I find myself more and more at odds with the “ways of the world,” and so I keep trying to clarify my own role, and what I think I should be doing in the world I find myself in today. They’ve changed a lot, both the world and what I think I should be doing. Some things have come full circle, and others are sort of amusing at how far off I was from reality, past and present on both dimensions. And there it is. How to keep a handle on what my “reality” looks like and shaping that without losing hold of the objective reality that is clearly  around me.

What I Want, Ideally

I want to live in a world where people are reasonably nice to each other. Where we can be honest, but not hurtful. Where nobody’s starving. I’m against violence. I’m against telling other people what to do. I’m for personal responsibility and agency. I’m for kindness and helping out when you can. I am against intimidation, bullying and aggression. 

Where I Live, in Reality

However, I live in, theoretically, the worst microcosm for that. I’m the only white woman in an almost 100% urban Black neighborhood filled with problems. It’s a rough neighborhood. When people talk about the hood, this is where they’re talking about. About a year ago, they tore down my corner store, and the new convenience store is a little further than I like to walk, so I don’t get out in the neighborhood as much, and I don’t come across the people I used to see on a daily basis. 

There used to be a reasonable sized group of people regularly hanging out on the corner. This was a weed-selling operation. Pretty well-coordinated, and pretty low-key. Luckily not so much with the harder drugs as a central point. Anyway, the guys and a few gals would hang out in shifts, somewhat social, sometimes pretty raucous, but it was mostly business.

They could get pretty choatic. Cars would pull up. People sat with chairs and sometimes rolled dice. They drank and they smoked and they told stories and kept an eye on the street, for business and threats. Sometimes they would gather in a group of 6, 10, but more often, especially during the day, they’d spread out a little bit on the block. I didn’t go out at night. There was a lot of laughter, noise, sometimes arguments, and occasionally something serious would break out. People were shot in the parking lot and across the street. 

They scared me at first, but I decided that if I was going to live here, I wasn’t going to scurry around in fear. So as I walked by, I would nod or say good morning and keep on walking. I was respectful. They were respectful. 

Over the years, we got used to seeing each other and saying hi and a brief friendly word. Almost everyone acknowledged and smiled at me, and they all stepped out of the way to let me pass. They were very sweet and polite to me as a little old lady, and it was warm, friendly, occasionally flirty. The women were sweet and gave me kind compliments all the time. It felt a little like family.

I miss it! I still see a few people around here and there, and we say hi, but not regularly or with so many at one time.

Connection and Community

The connections and community are still out there. They just change. The other day, I walked over to the new place, and I saw one of the guys there. He was going out as I was coming in, so it was just a momentary “Hey! How you doing?” But when I went back outside, he was still out there, and I told him it was good to see him, that I missed seeing him and the guys. He came over and gave me the biggest, warmest hug. He asked how I was doing, and told me he missed me. And it was just lovely. 

This is the world I like living in. It’s definitely not about living in the hood. That part’s a drag. It’s that I cherish the humanity and loose friendships I’ve found here. I don’t know a thing about this manーhis family, his views. This relationship has hard limits. But I like the feeling, the connection, the love, and it feels genuine and nourishing.

I believe I can make that anywhere, because it has to do with how I approach the world more than how the world presents itself to me, especially initially. Hopefully, as I write and interact, I influence people a little bit too, and maybe that spreads.