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Blog: Encouraging Words

A Fresh Take on Addiction Recovery

Dry January. Was It Worth It?

Writer's picture: DeeDee

Updated: 1 day ago

Reexamining Drinking or other Goals

Alright. It is the end of January! I hope you all did well with it if you made resolutions or undertook Dry January or any other effort towards improving life. To be honest, I’m sort of weary of Dry January altogether, by the end of the month. My tendency with most resolutions or efforts like this is to fall short in some way and then feel even worse about myself than when I started. Even when I’ve made good progress, compared to where I started out. 


So, on the one hand I want to look forward, but if things weren’t smooth, I think there’s merit in looking at how we can correct some of the mistakes we might have made or forgotten to consider. So, was Dry January worth it?


What’s so great about drinking?

Lightshow turns person into a skeleton.
Drinking is great, right? Photo by Dee, Blink 2024, Cincinnati, OH.

Let’s start with that question. What is it that feels so great about alcohol (or other mind-altering substances/experiences)? Well, it’s the lifeblood of a party? It helps us relax and loosen up so we can be authentic with our friends. It’s a chance to let our hair down a bit. It’s a reward. It feels all tingly and delightful and warm in our tummies. The taste … That warmth. There’s a glow, and we feel a little bit sparklier, a little more interesting, a lot more attractive and in tune with the world. 


Or, if we’re down, it’s a comfort. A little treat at the end of the stress of work. A way to get rid of the worries of the day. 


That’s the reward for working hard, right? We get to put that aside and party? Work hard, play hard? And it’s so normalized, that it’s hard to imagine anything really fun without accompanying drinks at least -- a party, a beach party, a concert, a dinner, drinks … This is the stuff of life and connection, no?


Well, I don’t know. Is it? This is the allure. This is for sure what the commercials say. This is what we’re often raised with, that the unlucky ones don’t get to drink, the ones with something wrong with them. “Normal” people handle drinking just fine.


So who’s telling us we should drink? 

Pacific ocean at sunset
What do we imagine drinking can do for us? Dee, Seattle, WA 2024

Where does the allure and pressure about drinking come from? We want it; it’s pleasurable. It feels like an indulgence, something special. So there’s our own internal voice with all those associations -- misty memories and fantasy projections. And then advertising and all the big money that caters to this -- restaurants, commercials, sports, resorts, first-class air travel, huge, extravagant parties, the finest wines and liquors, celebrity endorsements. And then the circles closer in our lives -- our family and friends. Many of us come to use it as a social touchpoint.  


So what is the perceived NEED under there? Companionship? Love? Feeling accepted? Numbing pain? Escaping the pressures of life? Ah, now. 


So of all the questions to ask ourselves, I think there are two. 1) When I think about all these great things about alcohol and what it’s going to do for me, are they really true, based on my personal experiences? 2) Which of these things does it give me? Does it give me that or do I just imagine it will? 


What are we looking for?

In my mind’s eye, I have these imagined scenes -- sitting on a deck staring out at the ocean with a glass of delicious wine and a light dinner in front of me with a partner at sunset, or sitting by a fire with a glass of red wine, fake bearskin rug, enveloped in warmth and comfort, or the perfect pairing of a meal with drinks. Ahh. 


Well, guess what? In my illustrious career of drinking, something like 30 years, I can count on one hand the number of times like that, that felt almost perfect AND didn’t turn sour shortly after that moment of perfection. FIVE times or less!! Those are terrible statistics!!


So what was I looking for? Romance. Being indulged. Being loved. Being safe. Connection. Is it possible I could address some of those directly? Is alcohol really helpful? Can it ever fully provide these things? How can I foster connection with other people, old or new? If it’s company, how can I make that more a feature of life? If it’s escape, well … what am I trying to escape from? Can I either come to terms with it or make a change? 


Are my beliefs about alcohol true and realistic? Are my beliefs about myself and my actions and priorities accurate? 


But Why, Oh Why Am I Like This?

Sometimes the feelings and fears we have come from our early years. Some of those truly aren’t relevant anymore, but we drag them with us. That’s okay. They are deeply embedded, but I think we can look at that and ask, how am I transposing these early feelings and coping skills  into my life today? Is it the same? Don’t I have different resources now than I did then? Have things changed? My attitudes? Is this belief relevant to me right now, today, in my current circumstances?


There are answers to the whys, but sometimes we overfocus on that, especially early on, at the expense of present-day action. First, what is it that we think drinking is going to give us, and how far is that from reality? Once we get a handle on things, we have all the time to explore further in our worlds where all this came from and how to get to the roots of whatever we’re using alcohol or other for.


And remember sometimes this stuff is very tender. We don’t have to fix everything all at once. How could we?! I think as we get stronger, we can start to become aware and key in a little bit on these old voices, old thoughts, old coping methods beyond the actual addictive activity and see where they come from and if they’re serving us well. You may decide that getting a little guidance from a therapist or psychiatrist may help you put some of these pieces together.


Priorities -- Drinking or living life? 

Blue sky with sun shining through clouds
What do we really want in our lives? Dee, Cincinnati, OH, 2024

Now, in the here and now, if we take a good hard look, where are we putting this desire to escape the real world on our priorities list? Is it above work, family, taking care of ourselves, interacting with others? 


I think there’s a mental shift when drinking (or anything) goes from being a nice accompaniment to a given event, occasion, end of a day, etc., to being the point of the event or occasion. 


Theoretically, we go to parties in order to meet people, socialize, maybe network, have fun, laugh, and strengthen friendships. But if we look a little closer, we may find that we are going to parties because it’s an opportunity to drink, and the people and conversation and laughter have become secondary. If drinking becomes the centerpoint of our activities and everything else has to adjust to that …


And when we think of those “normal” people, are we looking at that clearly? Are they drinking like we do? How are they using alcohol? Is it daily? Is it as much as they can down in one sitting? Are they overly focused on it? Don’t we only see one side of people? Is it possible they have their own struggles with drinking or other things in life? We’re often not as alone as we feel. We all put on a facade.


Back to Lessons Learned from Dry January. Was It Worth It?

What happened for you? If you had difficulties, was boredom? Not having a plan? Did you have a solid list of distracting activities? Did you have a list of all your reasons for not drinking? What else could you have tried? This isn’t negative. It’s about being better prepared and more confident in the future.


Before you wrap it up, objectively, what were the good things and the bad things about not drinking for the month, or whatever time you tried it for? Was it too hard to get started? Did you do pretty well? Was it harder or easier than you expected? Maybe you can reorient your relationship with drinking a bit. Any shift in perspective? How’d you feel physically? Emotionally? Anything else you noticed?


Hopefully it was a good exercise. And maybe it gave you a slightly different perspective on the relationship you want to have with alcohol or any other substance or activity.


What are your goals for February, just in general? Looking out on the month ahead, setting a few intentions, a couple of days in advance can make a big difference. 



Comments or Questions??

I'd love to hear from you

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If you’ve ever thought about trying to quit a harmful addictive habit with substances or behaviors, or if you've been over-doing it with drinking, drugs, eating, gambling, porn, etc., and would like to talk with someone about it, I'd love to set up a free, no pressure, 15-minute conversation with you to see if I can help.

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